The Ultimate Undisputed Happy Guide to Posting on LinkedIn

We all know it.

Winning the LinkedIn game is not for beginners. Only the most ingenious and successful professionals survive on the platform. Fortunately, I'm one of these people. Don't worry; I'm not the type you're thinking of right now. Disdainful. Haughty. Unsympathetic.

Not at all. I'm just a LinkedIn humble genius, you know? I've been around the social media platform for at least an eon and learned everything.

And to prove how good of a person I am, I'm going to share my precious and invaluable knowledge with you, my dear LinkedIn friend.

I decided to write a summary of absolutely crushing tips for you to follow in your own path to success. These are rules that go beyond common sense and are all scientifically backed, don't worry.

Remember to apply them with mastery, as I, of course, would do.

If these suggestions don't result in progress at first, don't give up. Remember my life-story.

Be patient.

So let's begin:

First Tip: Opening Words Matter

Your opening sentence when you post online is crucial. Abdicate from phrases that depict your boring reality. People need to be influenced by your experiences, your wisdom, and your success. You can get inspired by the following examples:

"I was abducted and survived."

"I died and came back from the dead."

"I fell off the airplane last week."

"I killed my boss and went on vacation."

Understanding that having a quality opening phrase can mean the difference between life and death for you. And please, don't tell me this is clickbait.

Amateurs are then ones that create clickbaits. You're a pro, not a newbie.

Second Tip: Pay Attention To Language and Intonation

When you're on the path to becoming an eminence of social media wisdom, you have to commit to every single detail. Therefore, choose carefully every word you say.

You don't want to leave anyone upset with you, sad, or worse. Even the most ordinary events need to be retold with precision. For example, let's say you just got fired and want to share the news with the caring online community on LinkedIn.

Don't say, "I got fired today." It doesn't convey the true essence of your experience.

Instead, say something like, "I got hypersized today and thought about ending it all." Your readers will be pleased by getting a more honest story about what happened to you and will undoubtedly reward you back with messages of support and praise.

Third Tip: Keywords, Keywords, Keywords!

This one is easy. You all remember it from when you were writing your thesis at the university. Yes, keywords were the most important thing about the whole thing, wasn't it?

Nobody cared about what you wrote in it. People just needed to find it on Google Scholar.

The same applies to when posting on LinkedIn.

Choose the wrong keywords, and you're doomed. Choose good ones, though, and you'll find yourself on cloud nine.

Ok, so, enough of theory. Let's do some hands-on.

Let's pretend you're creating some content related to a tragic happening in your company. Here's the pitch:

Title: Work Hazards Just Reached A Whole New Level In This Country

Plot: 50 of my colleagues died yesterday as the floor where they were standing collapsed into a time wrap black hole.

Opening Phrase: "I almost got vaporized yesterday."

Now that we have established the premises, we can think of some killer keywords to add inside the text body.

Die, dead, death, buried, lifeless, cold, departed, cadaverous, pushing up daisies, inert, not existing, checked out, expired, gone, no more, mortified are excellent candidates for this scenario as they're most likely to be typed into a search engine by anyone searching for quality content like yours.

Tip Four: How to Grow Engagement

You're definitely not going anywhere if you don't get people jabbering about your post. Successful people like me call this engagement. But, don't dive into the sea in anguish. I'm here to save you, after all.

Getting engagement is surprisingly very simple. You need to add something at the end of your post called "call for action," or just CFA, like pros like us prefer to name it. But there's a caveat: you have to choose carefully what you are going to ask for.

Remember, nobody cares about what you think or if you stand up for what's right. Don't lose your time asking about meaningful stuff. It's boring.

Asking people to think about something that isn't obvious and requires more than a neuron to answer is even worse. Don't do it.

Stop offending people. Stop losing followers. That is not the path to success.

Let me show you some assassin CFAs you should use instead in your posts.

"Have you ever seen a spider at your home? If YES, say YES. If NO, say NO."

"Where do you prefer to work from? Type "beach" if you prefer to work from a beach in the Caribbean. Type "mountain" if you prefer to work from a cabin in the Swiss Alps. Type "forest" if you prefer to work from a tropical resort in Papua, New Guinea."

This last one can also be brilliantly reproduced using the handy reaction buttons on LinkedIn. I'll leave that as a homework exercise for you to think about.

"I ate three eggs today at breakfast. How many eggs did you eat?"

"I feel so happy today! Let me know in the comments how do you feel."

"If you want to know how to earn six figures while doing nothing in a job, type in your email in the comments below."

These winner CFAs will make people go crazy about your posts, and you'll be all over the place. Be prepared for the fame and success that will follow.

There are other ways of growing your posts' engagement, but they often result in low-quality interactions with artificial comments that resemble what people say when they're high. Quality is something you should never compromise on.

Final Tip: The Length of The Post

Nobody likes to read. Reading is for losers. Thank goodness bookstores are closing everywhere.

The new cool is watching short videos and reading tiny texts.

So, it's essential to build your anything-you-want-to-say-in-a-nutshell skill.

For example, let's say you want to post about the Buddhist concept of vacuity.

You could write a three-minute post about it, but that would be stupid.

A much smarter approach would be the example below:

"I died and came back from the dead.

"I now understand what vacuity means to Buddhism.

Who cares?

I ate three eggs today at breakfast. How many eggs did you eat?

#eggs #buddhism #polemic "

This post is perfectly aligned to a winner strategy. Let's break it down.

First, it starts with a killer opening line that invites the reader for an insight. Afterward, it reveals the ultimate truth about life and provokes the reader with a polemic question, "Who cares?"

Finally, the reader's mind is blown away with a perfect CFA (call for action, remember?) along with some carefully chosen keywords as hashtags.

There you have it: The quintessential art of a perfect post.


I hear you say, "This guy is damn good!"

You don't have to thank me.

It was my pleasure!

Image Credits Cottonbro by Pexels

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